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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

Who is it that you want to be?

That is a question that has been on my mind a lot lately.  To be honest it has been haunting me a bit.  You see, for a long time I have had this picture in my head of the person that I want to be.  It is a vividly clear picture though one I’m not sure if I could explain and tiny step by tiny step I feel that I am moving closer to it.

Most of how I am working to move towards it is by changing those things about me and my situations that I can but another part of it is by accepting things about me and my life that I cannot and even should not change.  Instead I find the place where those things belong in my image.

Sometimes my movement forward seems exceedingly tiny.  Sometimes it feels like one step forward and three steps back and each time I fall back it gets a little harder to keep moving forward.  Pray that I don’t ever stop moving.

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Viva La Vida

I got a phone call today from someone over at the ELCA global service office (you’ll recall that I applied to teach in Japan).  She told me that they had received my application and did a preliminary interview over the phone.  As a result I suddenly went from a calm afternoon to struggling to control my nervousness on the phone.  It probably sounds silly, I’ve done many interviews before.  The thing is, though, that I have (against my logical side) placed so many of my hopes and dreams into this chance.  I was feeling the pressure.

Thankfully, I believe it all went well and will now be moving onto the next stage of the application process (the references).  I will keep you posted.

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I’ve been having a lot of weird dreams lately.  Nothing unusual for me since I never seem to have “normal” ones but lately they seem to come in non-stop succession.  Not surprisingly, some of those dreams have been sexual in nature.

I am hardly a psychoanalyst but I would guess that is simply the result of a frustrated libido (months of unwanted singleness will do that to you).  Oddly enough, that and reading a C.S. Lewis essay got me thinking about the place of sex in our society.  Today I was reading Lewis’ essay entitled “We Have No ‘Right to Happiness” and I can across this interesting analysis:

When I was a youngster, all the progressive people were saying, ‘Why all this prudery? Let us treat sex just as we treat all our other impulses.’  I was simple-minded enough to believe they meant what they said.  I have since discovered that they meant exactly the opposite.  They meant that sex was to be treated as no other impulse in our nature has ever been treated by civilized people.  All the others, we admit, have to be bridled.  Absolute obedience to your instinct for self-preservation is what we call cowardice; to your acquisitive impulse, avarice.  Even sleep must be resisted if you’re a sentry.  But every unkindness and breach of faith seems to be condoned provided that the object aimed at is ‘four bare legs in a bed’.  It is like having morality in which stealing fruit is considered wrong–unless you steal nectarines.

This struck me as just as true today as it was in Lewis’ time.  If someone does not control their eating habit they are called gluttonous.  If they sleep too much they are called lazy.  If they are too aggressive they are called violent.  If they are too passive you are called a coward.  Even if any of those things happen to make a person happy they are still seen as vices.

We treat sex completely differently.  We act like it is our right to indulge nearly every sexual impulse we have.  Only in the most extreme cases do we even begin to treat it as a vice.  Why is that?  Why is that the only natural impulse that we don’t feel obligated to regulate and control.  Sex and sexual urges aren’t bad.  They’re perfectly natural but like all of our natural impulses they need to be controlled the same as eating and sleeping.

On another note:  have you ever had a dream within a dream?  It’s very disorienting.

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Call Me Al

I found a job, well a part time job at least.  I’ll be working back in the kitchen at Breadeaux Pizza in Perry.  I’m still going to keep looking for some more work to go on top of that but I am thankful to have that.

In other news, there has been something I have been reluctant to mention on here because it is so uncertain.  I have taken a step towards living my dreams and chasing after a calling.  A couple weeks ago I submitted an application to work as an English language teacher through the Lutheran church.  It is something I have been longing to do and even felt called to do for quite some time and I figured if I don’t do this while I am still young I likely never will.

It will be quite a while before I find out what will become of that application but I can’t help but get my hopes up alittle (I actually bought that book you see there).  Be praying for me.

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