It doesn’t happen very often but every once in a while I will have a profound or insightful moment while playing a video game.  Sometimes the digital thespians on the screen will convey truths to me that make that rusty old light bulb in my head flicker to life.  That is what happened today while I was playing Persona 4.

The story of Persona 4 primarily revolves around a group of high school students who find a world that can be entered through the television screen and set out to investigate how this world is connected to a series of mysterious murders that have occurred in their small town.  What they find in this other world, though, is not simply mindless monsters but personifications of their true selves.  Each of these young people is confronted with that part of themselves that they have worked the hardest to deny exists.  Each of them must confront and acknowledge this part of themselves or risk being destroyed by it.

For example, one character had to confront his own insecurity and loneliness personified that he had so long masked with a care-free and jovial faced.  Another character was faced with the part of her that relied on other people to look up to her and even be jealous of her to maintain her own feeling of self-worth.  She too had to acknowledge and confront this true part of herself.

These characters were not bad people.  They were not villains but simply normal kids that were forced to admit that each of us has a part of ourselves that we hide and deny–a part of ourselves that must be exposed before we can grow.

Watching these crises of identity play out sparked within me a wondering as to what persona I am denying within myself.  I don’t have to look very far to see that such a dark side exists within me as well.  To be honest I often will project an air of carefree coolness publicly when in reality it is simply masking the worry and insecurity that happens on the inside.  I don’t want to admit that this insecure child is the real me so I project this persona–this cool and confidant character that I have created to take my place.  I work hard to convince not only others, but myself as well, that this is the real me.  Unfortunately, it is not true.

When I face reality I find that neither this cool projection nor this inward insecurity are the true me.  Instead, my true self is a combination of the two.  Each is a part of me and neither is the reality alone.  Like ying and yang, I am a walking contradiction but I think, deep down, that is what we all are.