Restless Ones

It doesn’t happen very often but every once in a while I will have a profound or insightful moment while playing a video game.  Sometimes the digital thespians on the screen will convey truths to me that make that rusty old light bulb in my head flicker to life.  That is what happened today while I was playing Persona 4.

The story of Persona 4 primarily revolves around a group of high school students who find a world that can be entered through the television screen and set out to investigate how this world is connected to a series of mysterious murders that have occurred in their small town.  What they find in this other world, though, is not simply mindless monsters but personifications of their true selves.  Each of these young people is confronted with that part of themselves that they have worked the hardest to deny exists.  Each of them must confront and acknowledge this part of themselves or risk being destroyed by it.

For example, one character had to confront his own insecurity and loneliness personified that he had so long masked with a care-free and jovial faced.  Another character was faced with the part of her that relied on other people to look up to her and even be jealous of her to maintain her own feeling of self-worth.  She too had to acknowledge and confront this true part of herself.

These characters were not bad people.  They were not villains but simply normal kids that were forced to admit that each of us has a part of ourselves that we hide and deny–a part of ourselves that must be exposed before we can grow.

Watching these crises of identity play out sparked within me a wondering as to what persona I am denying within myself.  I don’t have to look very far to see that such a dark side exists within me as well.  To be honest I often will project an air of carefree coolness publicly when in reality it is simply masking the worry and insecurity that happens on the inside.  I don’t want to admit that this insecure child is the real me so I project this persona–this cool and confidant character that I have created to take my place.  I work hard to convince not only others, but myself as well, that this is the real me.  Unfortunately, it is not true.

When I face reality I find that neither this cool projection nor this inward insecurity are the true me.  Instead, my true self is a combination of the two.  Each is a part of me and neither is the reality alone.  Like ying and yang, I am a walking contradiction but I think, deep down, that is what we all are.

It is odd what will stick with you throughout the years.  For instance, while I was in college I had one religion professor who was exceedingly interesting.  You know the type, astoundingly brilliant but possibly a bit off his rocker.  I learned a lot from him and heard many many ideas in his classes.  Some changed the way I think of things and others I thought were too far out and rejected.  There was one idea in particular, though, that has stuck with me through the years.

You see, he once told my class that what we commonly consider swear words are not actually swearing…just bad manners.  This statement solidified an odd relationship I have had with what Dr. Spock called “colorful metaphors”.  As you probably know by now I am a pretty committed Christian and that is not something that is typically associated with someone who swears like a sailor on shore leave.  As a result I have had to re-evaluate how, when, and where I use certain aspects of my vocabulary.  For instance, I’ve put some thought into why certain words are considered profane.  There are certain common phrases that I will not use because they are in fact swearing in the classic sense.

Basically, I will not use any phrase that is disrespectful to God or to any other person.  Other words, though, change status on a generational and cultural basis.   There are many words and phrases that, in a certain time or location, are terribly offensive but in another are completely acceptable or even meaningless.  Words like this I am more lenient on usage.

The primary thing I take into consideration each day is my audience.  I do not wish to insult, offend, or cause anyone to stumble so I am very careful about adapting my vocabulary to the audience at hand.  It is something I try and keep to the forefront of my mind and I am often bugged by people who are flippant about what runs out of their mouths with total disregard to those that may be within earshot.

Perhaps I am over thinking things and perhaps my perspective may change tomorrow.  It is the kind of thing I like to think through, though.

What do you think?

This is just a quick follow-up to the post I wrote way back when about Califorina and gay marraige.  Well, I never would have thought that my home state of Iowa would be one of the early adopters but it happened:

Unanimous ruling: Iowa marriage no longer limited to one man, one woman

What do you all think?