Vigilante

Have you ever stumbled across a song that basically nails describing the kind of girl you’d like to find?  I did the other day:

(plus that guys expressions pretty well match my typical reaction to female antics)

So why would I like to find a girl like that?  Well, since I have long decided that all women are a bit crazy (but I love them anyway) I figure I may as well find one that is crazy in a fun and interesting way.  I’d like to find a girl who will keep me on my toes and never let me be complacent.

I am coming to discover that I seem to have incredibly high standards when it comes to women.  Mainly because I value my freedom so much that it is going to take quite the woman to make me want to settle down.  I am looking forward to getting bowled over by her someday but for now I’ll enjoy my bachelor freedom.

 

The End Is Nigh! Maybe? Maybe Not?

from xkcd.com

Seeing this comic from xkcd.com reminded me of one of my old pet-peeves.  For years I have listened to people (some of whom were actually quite intelligent) who have become utterly convinced that the end of the world is nigh.  Their justification typically lies within the idea of society being in continual moral decline.

To be honest, I don’t buy it.  The more I look at history the more it seems that very little has changed within the nature of human beings within the last several thousand years.  The same major atrocities and minor moral infractions have been happening over and over again since the beginning of recorded history.  If it seems that humans are more cruel these days look no further than that shameful black spot on Christian history known as the Crusades and the Inquisition (did no one really expect it?).  If today’s society seems more sexually perverse then look no further than the Medieval literary classic, Canterbury Tales.  You will find it filled with raunchy bathroom humor worthy of the latest Harold and Kumar film.

The real difference these days is that with modern media and information access all those things that people have been doing for generations is out there for everyone to see.  It gives the impression that the world is going to hell but I wonder if the world has just always been there and we are just now noticing.

Nobody is going to know when the world is going to end until it is actually happening–Scripture is pretty clear about that–it could be tomorrow or it could be a thousand years from now.  By all means, be ready for it but don’t worry so much about it.  Instead, maybe we should just worry about making this world a little bit better for however long it lasts.

If I’m wrong, forgive me.  It’s just my own thoughts.

 

The Boy vs. The Cynic*

The early 20’s of life are a odd kind of time.  You could say it is either the time when things start going right or start going wrong.  It is the judgement day of dreams.

My twenty-three year-old self is finding that adulthood isn’t quite like the impression they give you in school.  Working two dead-end and unfulfilling jobs just to barely scrape by a living isn’t exactly where I thought I would end up at this point.  What became of those big dreams I always had?

The truth is, those dreams are still there and burning just as much as they did in my childish heart.  What has happened, though, is that the boy has been tempered by the cynic.  The boy is idealistic.  He believes there is more than the daily grind.  He believes in big dreams and believes they will become real.  The cynic is world-weary.  He knows that life isn’t like the stories in books.  He plugs away at the senseless grind and doesn’t look far beyond that.

I’ve found the place where the boy and the cynic can both play fair.  The boy continues to dream big and the cynic reminds the boy that dreams don’t just happen but they can be attained.  It’s a dissonance and a harmony that avoids the pitfalls of both delusion and defeatism.  I suppose it is some kind of maturity.

*title and general theme borrowed from the John Reuben album of the same name.

 

Persona: wrap up

Final Fantasy VII is often sited by many gamers as the first game to actually draw out tears as a reaction to the on-screen story.  I was an important achievement in video game story telling when when the loss of a character whom the player had grown emotionally attached to provoked such a response.

While I have never played Final Fantasy VII I think I may have found it’s equivalent in the relationship driven story-telling of Persona 4.

After about 73 hours of play time I have finally reached the conclusion of Persona 4’s story arc and can now look back and examine the experience.  Through the many twists and turns that the main story took there is one moment that stands out as the most emotionally thought provoking to me.  Towards the climax of these story the player is faced with the unexpected loss of a character whom they had not only spent much of the game drawing closer to but is also the most innocent of bystanders in Persona’s conflict.  This loss moved me emotionally but it did not end there.

Immediately after this loss occurred the player was quickly drawn into a dire situation where they, as the leader, must make the decision whether to hastily take revenge or to calm down for a moment and reassess what exactly should be done.  I found this very compelling.  With the wounds of loss as fresh as they possibly could be, the player’s character is pushed to it’s limits and their true colors are set to be revealed.

It is rare for me to find a game these emotionally compelling (I think that Chrono Trigger was the last game I found as such) but it gives me great confidence in the medium as an art form.  Going in I knew little about Persona 4 but coming out it has established itself as one of the best RPG’s that I have played.

Another take:  Persona 4: Reflecting The Self

 

Persona: part 2

This is a follow-up to my previous post about Persona 4.

As I continue to play my way through the story of Persona 4 (it is a surprisingly long game) I find myself discovering more things about myself reflected in this little, on screen avatar.

One of the things that makes the Persona series slightly unconventional in the realms of JRPG’s is that is splits it’s time between the traditional RPG dungeon crawling and a social simulator akin to Japanese style dating sims (a bizarre genre in it’s own right).  Through these scripted interactions with a vast cast of game characters I find that the decisions I make are not simply me carting around an empty avatar from one interaction to the next.  Instead I find that I have been projecting different aspects of my own personality onto the way An Reuzakis (my avatar’s accidental name) behaves.  Not only that but I also discover that I have shaped An into the person I would like myself to become.  Strong-willed, persistent, knowledgeable, and kind.  These are not only characteristics that have assigned to my avatar but also characteristic that I work to cultivate in my own life.

They are a bit harder to develop in the real world but but playing them out in a fictional role helps in realizing how they may be played out in real society.

 

Persona

It doesn’t happen very often but every once in a while I will have a profound or insightful moment while playing a video game.  Sometimes the digital thespians on the screen will convey truths to me that make that rusty old light bulb in my head flicker to life.  That is what happened today while I was playing Persona 4.

The story of Persona 4 primarily revolves around a group of high school students who find a world that can be entered through the television screen and set out to investigate how this world is connected to a series of mysterious murders that have occurred in their small town.  What they find in this other world, though, is not simply mindless monsters but personifications of their true selves.  Each of these young people is confronted with that part of themselves that they have worked the hardest to deny exists.  Each of them must confront and acknowledge this part of themselves or risk being destroyed by it.

For example, one character had to confront his own insecurity and loneliness personified that he had so long masked with a care-free and jovial faced.  Another character was faced with the part of her that relied on other people to look up to her and even be jealous of her to maintain her own feeling of self-worth.  She too had to acknowledge and confront this true part of herself.

These characters were not bad people.  They were not villains but simply normal kids that were forced to admit that each of us has a part of ourselves that we hide and deny–a part of ourselves that must be exposed before we can grow.

Watching these crises of identity play out sparked within me a wondering as to what persona I am denying within myself.  I don’t have to look very far to see that such a dark side exists within me as well.  To be honest I often will project an air of carefree coolness publicly when in reality it is simply masking the worry and insecurity that happens on the inside.  I don’t want to admit that this insecure child is the real me so I project this persona–this cool and confidant character that I have created to take my place.  I work hard to convince not only others, but myself as well, that this is the real me.  Unfortunately, it is not true.

When I face reality I find that neither this cool projection nor this inward insecurity are the true me.  Instead, my true self is a combination of the two.  Each is a part of me and neither is the reality alone.  Like ying and yang, I am a walking contradiction but I think, deep down, that is what we all are.

 

Dang

It is odd what will stick with you throughout the years.  For instance, while I was in college I had one religion professor who was exceedingly interesting.  You know the type, astoundingly brilliant but possibly a bit off his rocker.  I learned a lot from him and heard many many ideas in his classes.  Some changed the way I think of things and others I thought were too far out and rejected.  There was one idea in particular, though, that has stuck with me through the years.

You see, he once told my class that what we commonly consider swear words are not actually swearing…just bad manners.  This statement solidified an odd relationship I have had with what Dr. Spock called “colorful metaphors”.  As you probably know by now I am a pretty committed Christian and that is not something that is typically associated with someone who swears like a sailor on shore leave.  As a result I have had to re-evaluate how, when, and where I use certain aspects of my vocabulary.  For instance, I’ve put some thought into why certain words are considered profane.  There are certain common phrases that I will not use because they are in fact swearing in the classic sense.

Basically, I will not use any phrase that is disrespectful to God or to any other person.  Other words, though, change status on a generational and cultural basis.   There are many words and phrases that, in a certain time or location, are terribly offensive but in another are completely acceptable or even meaningless.  Words like this I am more lenient on usage.

The primary thing I take into consideration each day is my audience.  I do not wish to insult, offend, or cause anyone to stumble so I am very careful about adapting my vocabulary to the audience at hand.  It is something I try and keep to the forefront of my mind and I am often bugged by people who are flippant about what runs out of their mouths with total disregard to those that may be within earshot.

Perhaps I am over thinking things and perhaps my perspective may change tomorrow.  It is the kind of thing I like to think through, though.

What do you think?

 

Iowa, who would have thought

This is just a quick follow-up to the post I wrote way back when about Califorina and gay marraige.  Well, I never would have thought that my home state of Iowa would be one of the early adopters but it happened:

Unanimous ruling: Iowa marriage no longer limited to one man, one woman

What do you all think?

 

Good News/Bad News

So I’ve been neglecting this for a while.  I guess I just didn’t feel like posting.  I also wanted to cut back on the ultra personal type of posts too.  For the handful of you guys who follow this and care, though, I’d like to give you a quick update good news/bad news style.

First the good news:

- I now have two job and am starting to pick up more hours.  Hopefully soon I am able to get out on my own.

- My grad school application is coming along.

- Had a very good weekend visiting with my old college friends last weekend.

And the bad news:

- I was turned down for the job in Japan.  That was a little crushing.

- My xbox broke again.  Third time in three months.

- My student loans about about to go back into payment mode.

- It looks like my parents are going to be getting seperated.

To those of you who do follow me here and really care about me, I would love to talk to you and keep you in the loop about my life.  I may not write too personally on here anymore but you can always use that contact page to talk to me directly.  Thank you.

 

Redneck Elitism

I typically cannot stand to listen to country music.  Some of it is downright painful.  The main reason for that is the phenomenon that I call redneck elitism.  It’s this odd theme that I’ve noticed flows through country music and country-western culture in general.  It seems much of it stems from a  sense of patriotism that is often distorted into ethnocentrism.  Whenever I hear country radio stations for any length of time I am just aghast at the bloated pride that comes with “redneck” culture and the blanket mocking of anything outside of it.  It disturbs me.

I know that it is the nature of enclosed cultures to form a sub-context of elitism over time and this is by no means exclusive to “redneck” culture.  I just seems to me that this particular brand of elitism is particularly dangerous.  When it is in defensive mode (like it is most of the time) it is simply disturbing but when it finds cause to shift to an offensive position, well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to count it as a factor in the continual wars the U.S. finds themselves in.